Goodbye's

I knew this day was coming. I just never gave it much thought or attention.
It was thrown back in my mind and marked on my calender... The day we'll all bid T farewell, wish him the best, eat cake then go home to our warm beds before we're off the next morning to work...

It never actually sunk in, the fact that... he won't be here anymore. The emotions never really came to surface until today.
He won't be here.
First, we'll be in touch on a daily basis. Eventually, bit by bit... you find yourself hardly speaking except for the occasional "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" every year... then you're just left with their memory. Silence. They're not in your life anymore. And you're not in theirs.
I know the drill. Its happened before.
Its like death. Only with death you skip the "keeping in touch until it slowly fades away" part.

I stood in the hallway holding on to his embrace and torn. "I must never show my tears in public. Be Strong. Control yourself woman!" I tell myself...
Each step he took further away I wanted to call out to him, to look back just one last time, or change his mind and not leave... Just 5 more minutes before you go?
I stared numbly at his back as he walked away.
He turned around when he reached the door... smiled. Opened the door and left.

I shut my bedroom door... Cried and cried and cried while the storm in my gut jumbled my insides leaving me in a shattered mess.
And definately in no shape to lie in my warm bed before I'm off the next morning to work.
I hate goodbbye's.

Dear T; I know you follow my blog, and you'll read this: You were my favourite. You'll always be. And you'll be missed.
And no, am not going to work with those puffy eyes that've been crying all night for you!!

Goodbye