Lie awake until the morning
Then sleepwalk back into the world
Time won't ever silence the haunting
The dream won't leave until it's heard
You know we're waiting
Don't keep us waiting for you
We're the ones who chase the sun across the sky
To feel the lasting light,
And we leave it all behind in sacrifice
To feel the lasting light.
You know we're waiting
So don't keep us waiting for you
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
Miss USA
Regardless of the fact that she's an Arab-Muslim, Rima Fakih is a silly shallow girl who dances on a pole and wishes for world peace... and HELL NO she doesn't make me proud!! She represents nothing from my culture or religion.
And shame on those who called her an "icon".
This makes me angry, irritated and very disgusted. (I'm only half Egyptian, but even the British half of me is enraged!)
And shame on those who called her an "icon".
This makes me angry, irritated and very disgusted. (I'm only half Egyptian, but even the British half of me is enraged!)
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Charlotte
I heard a story from Charlotte, who was the sort of friend I had in my childhood. My friendships then seemed both intimate and uncertain. I never knew why people told me things or what they meant me to believe.
I had gone to the hospital that day with chocolates and flowers. Charlotte lifted her head with its clipped and feathery blonde hair, toward the roses she said, “Huh! They have no smell!, not to me anyway. But they’re beautiful”.
“You must eat the chocolates yourself. Everything tastes like tar to me. I don’t know how I know what tar tastes like, but that’s what I think.”
She was feverish and delirious. Her hand, when I held it, was hot and puffy. Her hair had all been cut off, and this made her look as if she’d actually lost flesh around her face and neck. The part of her under the hospital covers seemed as extensive and lumpy as ever.
“But you mustn’t think I am ungrateful.” She went on, “I appreciate the gifts. Sit down. Bring that chair from over there- she doesn’t need it”
There were two other women in the room. One was just a thatch of yellow grey hair on the pillow and the other was tied into a chair, wriggling and grunting.
“This is a terrible place.” Charlotte said. “But we must just try to our best to put up with it. I’m so glad to see you. That one over there yells all night long. “She said, nodding toward the window bed. “Thank God she’s asleep now. I don’t get a wink of sleep, but I've been putting the time to very good use. What do you think I’ve been doing? I’ve been making up a story for a movie! I have it all in my head and I want you to hear it. You will be able to judge if it will make a good movie. I think it will. I’d like Jennifer Lopez to act in it. I don’t know, though. She doesn’t seem to have the same spirit anymore. She married that mogul..”
“Listen.” Charlotte said before she began her story. I sat and listened. Charlotte would lean forward, even rock a little on her hard bed, stressing some point for me. Her puffy hands flew up and down, her blue eyes widened commandingly, and then from time to time she sank back onto the pillows, and she shut her eyes to get the story in focus again. Ah, yes, she said. Yes, yes. And she continued.
“I know how it goes on,” she said at last, “But that’s enough for now. You’ll have to come back for more. Tomorrow. Will you come back? “
I said, “Yes, tomorrow.” And she appeared to have fallen asleep without hearing me.
I had gone to the hospital that day with chocolates and flowers. Charlotte lifted her head with its clipped and feathery blonde hair, toward the roses she said, “Huh! They have no smell!, not to me anyway. But they’re beautiful”.
“You must eat the chocolates yourself. Everything tastes like tar to me. I don’t know how I know what tar tastes like, but that’s what I think.”
She was feverish and delirious. Her hand, when I held it, was hot and puffy. Her hair had all been cut off, and this made her look as if she’d actually lost flesh around her face and neck. The part of her under the hospital covers seemed as extensive and lumpy as ever.
“But you mustn’t think I am ungrateful.” She went on, “I appreciate the gifts. Sit down. Bring that chair from over there- she doesn’t need it”
There were two other women in the room. One was just a thatch of yellow grey hair on the pillow and the other was tied into a chair, wriggling and grunting.
“This is a terrible place.” Charlotte said. “But we must just try to our best to put up with it. I’m so glad to see you. That one over there yells all night long. “She said, nodding toward the window bed. “Thank God she’s asleep now. I don’t get a wink of sleep, but I've been putting the time to very good use. What do you think I’ve been doing? I’ve been making up a story for a movie! I have it all in my head and I want you to hear it. You will be able to judge if it will make a good movie. I think it will. I’d like Jennifer Lopez to act in it. I don’t know, though. She doesn’t seem to have the same spirit anymore. She married that mogul..”
“Listen.” Charlotte said before she began her story. I sat and listened. Charlotte would lean forward, even rock a little on her hard bed, stressing some point for me. Her puffy hands flew up and down, her blue eyes widened commandingly, and then from time to time she sank back onto the pillows, and she shut her eyes to get the story in focus again. Ah, yes, she said. Yes, yes. And she continued.
“I know how it goes on,” she said at last, “But that’s enough for now. You’ll have to come back for more. Tomorrow. Will you come back? “
I said, “Yes, tomorrow.” And she appeared to have fallen asleep without hearing me.
Monday, May 3, 2010
The "question"
I made my usual late entrance to the party that night.
I quickly sweeped the place with my eyes. I couldn't see him.
Something inside my heart sent a thug to my stomach to calm down the butterflies that almost reached my throat. I tried to ignore it.
I smiled. I talked. Danced, ate and mingled... like a floating leaf on an autumn morning. I showed nothing of how I felt inside. Like I was wearing a mask hiding my disappointment that he wasn't there.
My heart skipped a beat. I heard the mention of his name. I turned around. My face felt hot and I put down my drink. His name rang in my ears once again and my eyes lighted up this time coz his familiar deep voice followed. My little heart danced around in my chest as everything around me slowly disappeared and all I could see was him across the room. His presence in the same room as me simply melted away all the troubles, aches and fears.
I promised myself I'd never let this happen. But its too late.
I broke the promise and I only realized this tonight as I sat in the dark re-thinking every momment of that night. Only as I sat remembering that feeling.... his cologne and his gaze, most of all, his touch- Only then, did it hit me....
Now the only question is... will he? or will he not?
I quickly sweeped the place with my eyes. I couldn't see him.
Something inside my heart sent a thug to my stomach to calm down the butterflies that almost reached my throat. I tried to ignore it.
I smiled. I talked. Danced, ate and mingled... like a floating leaf on an autumn morning. I showed nothing of how I felt inside. Like I was wearing a mask hiding my disappointment that he wasn't there.
My heart skipped a beat. I heard the mention of his name. I turned around. My face felt hot and I put down my drink. His name rang in my ears once again and my eyes lighted up this time coz his familiar deep voice followed. My little heart danced around in my chest as everything around me slowly disappeared and all I could see was him across the room. His presence in the same room as me simply melted away all the troubles, aches and fears.
I promised myself I'd never let this happen. But its too late.
I broke the promise and I only realized this tonight as I sat in the dark re-thinking every momment of that night. Only as I sat remembering that feeling.... his cologne and his gaze, most of all, his touch- Only then, did it hit me....
Now the only question is... will he? or will he not?
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Her voice
Her voice.
I miss her voice. The warmth and love that poured from her words, like sweet honey soothing a wound.
My mother's voice.
I have no complete sentences. Just the longing feeling and some tears....
To my mother in her language I say:
Ya Mama, wa7ashteeny awy, el donya mn donik msh donya, enty konty kol el donya. Wa7ashteeny.
********************************
I miss her voice. The warmth and love that poured from her words, like sweet honey soothing a wound.
My mother's voice.
I have no complete sentences. Just the longing feeling and some tears....
To my mother in her language I say:
Ya Mama, wa7ashteeny awy, el donya mn donik msh donya, enty konty kol el donya. Wa7ashteeny.
********************************
Monday, April 26, 2010
Hope
This is a favourite poem for a favourite poet. The meanings dig much deeper beyond the lines...
"Hope"- Emily Dickinson.
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
"Hope"- Emily Dickinson.
Hope is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune--without the words,
And never stops at all,
And sweetest in the gale is heard;
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little bird
That kept so many warm.
I've heard it in the chillest land,
And on the strangest sea;
Yet, never, in extremity,
It asked a crumb of me.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Room mate quest
I've spent an entire week in bed. Sick and alone all night with high fevers that felt like my ears were going to pop off and bloody migraines that I could've sworn were hammerring nails into my skull... My aching body was screaming and at times when I wasn't sleeping, I felt like I was unconscious! Too weak to get out of bed for water even, I lost alot of weight and eventually became dehydrated.
Most of my freinds were travelling and sending me emails from airports telling me how "trapped" they were coz of the volcano ash thingy. "No flights, no money left, dunno what do..." blah blah... get the picture?
So when a neighbour noticed my papers building up a little hill on my porch, she decided to check if am still alive... next thing I know I was admitted to the hospital.
To make a long story short for you, and spare you the crap thoughts that were mostly hallucinations I've had... I will not live alone.
YES. No more. From today, I am going to look for a room mate.
I am still not sure if there's someone out there who will put up with my.. hmm... cleanliness? (seriously, I don't see how this is a bad thing but for some reason I got on people's nerves with my rules and freakishly in-control organizing ways.. I've been told I make "Monica" in friends look messy compared to me!)
Still... I know I will find her somehwere... this perfect room mate of mine. We will be friends and we'll take good care of one another.
I'll find her.
Just not today. Tomorrow's not good for me either
Most of my freinds were travelling and sending me emails from airports telling me how "trapped" they were coz of the volcano ash thingy. "No flights, no money left, dunno what do..." blah blah... get the picture?
So when a neighbour noticed my papers building up a little hill on my porch, she decided to check if am still alive... next thing I know I was admitted to the hospital.
To make a long story short for you, and spare you the crap thoughts that were mostly hallucinations I've had... I will not live alone.
YES. No more. From today, I am going to look for a room mate.
I am still not sure if there's someone out there who will put up with my.. hmm... cleanliness? (seriously, I don't see how this is a bad thing but for some reason I got on people's nerves with my rules and freakishly in-control organizing ways.. I've been told I make "Monica" in friends look messy compared to me!)
Still... I know I will find her somehwere... this perfect room mate of mine. We will be friends and we'll take good care of one another.
I'll find her.
Just not today. Tomorrow's not good for me either
Friday, April 16, 2010
You don't get IT!
Don't want to be taken to a fancy restaurant. It's not about the gift showers, boxes of rich Swiss chocolates that I can't pronounce their name or big flower displays that cover every surface in my appartment...
It's not that I don't apprecaite it... I do. And I love them.
Just take a second back, and think of me. Look at me. ME... Why do you care about what I wear, say, how I sit, walk, talk and do the mumbo-jumbo infront of everyone else but never notice the ME. Just me.
Don't want your money, fancy dates and whatever else money can do. I want you.
Just you...
It's not that I don't apprecaite it... I do. And I love them.
Just take a second back, and think of me. Look at me. ME... Why do you care about what I wear, say, how I sit, walk, talk and do the mumbo-jumbo infront of everyone else but never notice the ME. Just me.
Don't want your money, fancy dates and whatever else money can do. I want you.
Just you...
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
To the most hated person
To my boss,
I see you're having problems these days remembering things, like say, how I saved your sorry fat ass in the Cairo meeting infront of our new client.
Or how about the time you seemed to "mysteriously misplace" my medical insurance forms...
Or the many times I've answered your poor (yet annoying) wife for you, coz you're such an awful husband and can't be bothered to answer her yourself,
How many times have you eaten my lunch from the kitchen without asking or even apologizing for taking other people's food?
And how would you feel if I kept you in the office on Christmas Eve to finish off something I was supposed to do myself since SEPTEMBER
And that bonus, not to mention my raise... that you were too much of a coward to mention to your boss so I did it myself
Oh, and how we love to watch you kiss the big boss ass, especially when he ignores you like the worthless insect you are, and talks directly to me...
My boss from hell, you one sweaty idiotic jerk with no appreciation for the things I do you S.O.B. (U made me swear and am not the type who swears, damn you)
I hope you lose this upcoming promotion...
and I sure hope as hell that you're not secretly reading this blog!!!
Hopefully, I'll still have a job by my next post, and (fingers crossed..) a much-wanted and earned promotion!
Wish me luck wish me luck wish me luck
I see you're having problems these days remembering things, like say, how I saved your sorry fat ass in the Cairo meeting infront of our new client.
Or how about the time you seemed to "mysteriously misplace" my medical insurance forms...
Or the many times I've answered your poor (yet annoying) wife for you, coz you're such an awful husband and can't be bothered to answer her yourself,
How many times have you eaten my lunch from the kitchen without asking or even apologizing for taking other people's food?
And how would you feel if I kept you in the office on Christmas Eve to finish off something I was supposed to do myself since SEPTEMBER
And that bonus, not to mention my raise... that you were too much of a coward to mention to your boss so I did it myself
Oh, and how we love to watch you kiss the big boss ass, especially when he ignores you like the worthless insect you are, and talks directly to me...
My boss from hell, you one sweaty idiotic jerk with no appreciation for the things I do you S.O.B. (U made me swear and am not the type who swears, damn you)
I hope you lose this upcoming promotion...
and I sure hope as hell that you're not secretly reading this blog!!!
Hopefully, I'll still have a job by my next post, and (fingers crossed..) a much-wanted and earned promotion!
Wish me luck wish me luck wish me luck
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Tell me this...
Tell me how am I supposed to breathe with no air?
If I should die before I wake, losing you is like living in a world with no air.
I walk, I ran, I jump, I flew right off the ground to float to you...
With no gravity to hold me down for real
So, tell me, how am I supposed to breathe with no air?
Tell me...
If I should die before I wake, losing you is like living in a world with no air.
I walk, I ran, I jump, I flew right off the ground to float to you...
With no gravity to hold me down for real
So, tell me, how am I supposed to breathe with no air?
Tell me...
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Cairo: Bab Zuwayla
To look at the city gate of Bab Zuwayla in El Moez Street in Old Cairo, and its surroundings is to see the whole history of Cairo probably better than anywhere else in the city. Power and majesty, poverty and misfortune, wealth as well as desolation, changing fortunes, empires come and gone- all have left their mark here.
The crowd mills around usually trying to make ends meet; a crowd always eager to watch any extraordinary event that comes along, be it a neighbourhood quarrel or a state visit. Battered buses and shiny expensive cars have replaced pack animals and caparisoned stallions; otherwise the scene has not changed for centuries. This is perhaps the only scene in the world that has never ceased to bustle with activity, 24 hours a day for the past thousand years.
The crowd here has never lacked for extraordinary events at which to marvel.
Bab Zuwayla was an ill-famed place , where executions were held. The sensation-hungry crowd could see severed heads and hanged and crucified bodies displayed on the gate.
I was told by the tour guide that Bab Zuwayla was one of the massive stone gates of "Al-Qahira". The name, from which "Cairo" derives, applies today to the entire metropolis.
I love this city.
Can't wait for more Cairo
The crowd mills around usually trying to make ends meet; a crowd always eager to watch any extraordinary event that comes along, be it a neighbourhood quarrel or a state visit. Battered buses and shiny expensive cars have replaced pack animals and caparisoned stallions; otherwise the scene has not changed for centuries. This is perhaps the only scene in the world that has never ceased to bustle with activity, 24 hours a day for the past thousand years.
The crowd here has never lacked for extraordinary events at which to marvel.
Bab Zuwayla was an ill-famed place , where executions were held. The sensation-hungry crowd could see severed heads and hanged and crucified bodies displayed on the gate.
I was told by the tour guide that Bab Zuwayla was one of the massive stone gates of "Al-Qahira". The name, from which "Cairo" derives, applies today to the entire metropolis.
I love this city.
Can't wait for more Cairo
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Destination: Cairo
My next trip will be to Cairo. The fascinating metropolitan city I've longed to visit for many years.
Being half-Egyptian, I'm only ashamed to admit I've been there once as a child and my memories of the place, food and people are somewhat blurred.
I can't remember the last time I've been so excited for a business trip. Perhaps its because I know the lonely hotel nights will be replaced by loud distant-family gatherings, or perhaps coz I know once I finish those meetings I'll look forward for a day full of unexpected surprises with every step I take on the crazy crowded streets of Dear Cairo.
I have an old photograph of me holding my mother's hand on a beach. I was three. I'm looking up at her in total awe and eyes full of curiousity. She stands with one hand on her large straw hat shielding her face from the strong sun and guarding the hat from flying off into the wind... On the back in small handwriting it says: "Alexandria" and the date.
I'd like to know who took this shot.
And I can't wait.
"Awel 7ob kan fi baladi.... 7elwa ya baladi" - Dalida
Being half-Egyptian, I'm only ashamed to admit I've been there once as a child and my memories of the place, food and people are somewhat blurred.
I can't remember the last time I've been so excited for a business trip. Perhaps its because I know the lonely hotel nights will be replaced by loud distant-family gatherings, or perhaps coz I know once I finish those meetings I'll look forward for a day full of unexpected surprises with every step I take on the crazy crowded streets of Dear Cairo.
I have an old photograph of me holding my mother's hand on a beach. I was three. I'm looking up at her in total awe and eyes full of curiousity. She stands with one hand on her large straw hat shielding her face from the strong sun and guarding the hat from flying off into the wind... On the back in small handwriting it says: "Alexandria" and the date.
I'd like to know who took this shot.
And I can't wait.
"Awel 7ob kan fi baladi.... 7elwa ya baladi" - Dalida
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Goodbye's
I knew this day was coming. I just never gave it much thought or attention.
It was thrown back in my mind and marked on my calender... The day we'll all bid T farewell, wish him the best, eat cake then go home to our warm beds before we're off the next morning to work...
It never actually sunk in, the fact that... he won't be here anymore. The emotions never really came to surface until today.
He won't be here.
First, we'll be in touch on a daily basis. Eventually, bit by bit... you find yourself hardly speaking except for the occasional "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" every year... then you're just left with their memory. Silence. They're not in your life anymore. And you're not in theirs.
I know the drill. Its happened before.
Its like death. Only with death you skip the "keeping in touch until it slowly fades away" part.
I stood in the hallway holding on to his embrace and torn. "I must never show my tears in public. Be Strong. Control yourself woman!" I tell myself...
Each step he took further away I wanted to call out to him, to look back just one last time, or change his mind and not leave... Just 5 more minutes before you go?
I stared numbly at his back as he walked away.
He turned around when he reached the door... smiled. Opened the door and left.
I shut my bedroom door... Cried and cried and cried while the storm in my gut jumbled my insides leaving me in a shattered mess.
And definately in no shape to lie in my warm bed before I'm off the next morning to work.
I hate goodbbye's.
Dear T; I know you follow my blog, and you'll read this: You were my favourite. You'll always be. And you'll be missed.
And no, am not going to work with those puffy eyes that've been crying all night for you!!
Goodbye
It was thrown back in my mind and marked on my calender... The day we'll all bid T farewell, wish him the best, eat cake then go home to our warm beds before we're off the next morning to work...
It never actually sunk in, the fact that... he won't be here anymore. The emotions never really came to surface until today.
He won't be here.
First, we'll be in touch on a daily basis. Eventually, bit by bit... you find yourself hardly speaking except for the occasional "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year" every year... then you're just left with their memory. Silence. They're not in your life anymore. And you're not in theirs.
I know the drill. Its happened before.
Its like death. Only with death you skip the "keeping in touch until it slowly fades away" part.
I stood in the hallway holding on to his embrace and torn. "I must never show my tears in public. Be Strong. Control yourself woman!" I tell myself...
Each step he took further away I wanted to call out to him, to look back just one last time, or change his mind and not leave... Just 5 more minutes before you go?
I stared numbly at his back as he walked away.
He turned around when he reached the door... smiled. Opened the door and left.
I shut my bedroom door... Cried and cried and cried while the storm in my gut jumbled my insides leaving me in a shattered mess.
And definately in no shape to lie in my warm bed before I'm off the next morning to work.
I hate goodbbye's.
Dear T; I know you follow my blog, and you'll read this: You were my favourite. You'll always be. And you'll be missed.
And no, am not going to work with those puffy eyes that've been crying all night for you!!
Goodbye
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Reality...Never felt more true
Here we are, finally together. Holding close. Never release this feeling...This moment.
My dream is now, that I'm with you.
Something in your eye tells me I have found love that never dies. I don't have to dream, Cause you're beautiful. Reality is beautiful in you...
I've never felt more true.
There you are finally the answer. Take my hand and never release; the sweetness, the magic, the happiness, I found in you.
Because you're beautiful. Reality is beautiful in you.
I've never felt more true.....
My dream is now, that I'm with you.
Something in your eye tells me I have found love that never dies. I don't have to dream, Cause you're beautiful. Reality is beautiful in you...
I've never felt more true.
There you are finally the answer. Take my hand and never release; the sweetness, the magic, the happiness, I found in you.
Because you're beautiful. Reality is beautiful in you.
I've never felt more true.....
Monday, March 22, 2010
Sunrise comes too soon
Sunrise...
Following our goodbyes. Following the night like you
Disappeared too soon, but it stays
Hear it in the morning waves, spinning from the night with you. Underneath the half moon.
Close my eyes, and you'll still be here with me. Close my eyes...The sunrise comes too soon.
So I lay, lounging through an endless day, dreaming of tonight with you...
And everything we'll do. Its just time, from mundane to the sublime. From waiting for tonight with you underneath the half moon
Well I might come over just to tide me over. Coz the waiting might kill me if I don't come over. Why does time move slowly when I'm not with you?
And the sunrise comes too soon.....
Following our goodbyes. Following the night like you
Disappeared too soon, but it stays
Hear it in the morning waves, spinning from the night with you. Underneath the half moon.
Close my eyes, and you'll still be here with me. Close my eyes...The sunrise comes too soon.
So I lay, lounging through an endless day, dreaming of tonight with you...
And everything we'll do. Its just time, from mundane to the sublime. From waiting for tonight with you underneath the half moon
Well I might come over just to tide me over. Coz the waiting might kill me if I don't come over. Why does time move slowly when I'm not with you?
And the sunrise comes too soon.....
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Chinese all the way !
I love food. More specifically, chinese cuisine.
But I have come to a painful realization recently... that I should make a change in my eating habbits soon. Very soon. ASAP. Or esle....
How've I reached this conclusion? ok, here's the deal...
1-My favourite local chinese restaurant is on my speed dial
2- The guy who picks up the phone has my phone number and address memorized by heart.
3- The delivery guy and the phone guy know am having a bad day when I order 3 side orders instead of the usual 2.
4- The delivery guy knows me on a first name basis
5-They call me to check up am fine when I go for 2 days without ordering anything !
6-I know there's been a shift rotation in the kitchen when my Kung Pao chicken or glass noodles are not prepared the way I like 'em
7-The delivery guy doesn't accept tips coz friends don't leave a tip for friends, its insulting.
8- I've just referred to the delivery guy as my "friend"
9- My top kitchen drawer contains a 5 year supply of wooden chopsticks. Only. No cutlery.
10- The kitchen chef invited me to his wedding last month.
11- Finally... My father was visiting and he noted, "U eat so much chinese, ur eyes are starting to slant !" (Nothing racial, don't get me wrong, its an innocent joke!)
What do I do? Its been 14 hours since my last chinese meal and am craving the soy/ginger infused taste in my mouth!!
I wonder, is there a rehab for this sort of addiction? hmmm.....
HELP! am hungryyyyyyyy :'(
But I have come to a painful realization recently... that I should make a change in my eating habbits soon. Very soon. ASAP. Or esle....
How've I reached this conclusion? ok, here's the deal...
1-My favourite local chinese restaurant is on my speed dial
2- The guy who picks up the phone has my phone number and address memorized by heart.
3- The delivery guy and the phone guy know am having a bad day when I order 3 side orders instead of the usual 2.
4- The delivery guy knows me on a first name basis
5-They call me to check up am fine when I go for 2 days without ordering anything !
6-I know there's been a shift rotation in the kitchen when my Kung Pao chicken or glass noodles are not prepared the way I like 'em
7-The delivery guy doesn't accept tips coz friends don't leave a tip for friends, its insulting.
8- I've just referred to the delivery guy as my "friend"
9- My top kitchen drawer contains a 5 year supply of wooden chopsticks. Only. No cutlery.
10- The kitchen chef invited me to his wedding last month.
11- Finally... My father was visiting and he noted, "U eat so much chinese, ur eyes are starting to slant !" (Nothing racial, don't get me wrong, its an innocent joke!)
What do I do? Its been 14 hours since my last chinese meal and am craving the soy/ginger infused taste in my mouth!!
I wonder, is there a rehab for this sort of addiction? hmmm.....
HELP! am hungryyyyyyyy :'(
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
100 Tears Away
Go ahead and cry now
just give in to the madness
the only way to feel your joy
is to first feel the sadness
Go ahead and sail now
just give in to the ocean
the only way to tame your fear
is to feel her rocky motion
You're a long way from somewhere you call home
there's a place in your heart you're not alone
all of the happiness you seek
all of the joy for which you pray
is closer than you think
it's just 100 tears away
Go ahead and listen
just give into the voices
you think you're backed into a corner
but you've got so many choices
you're a long way from somewhere you call safe
peace of mind comes from just one place
Whatever it is that'll make you feel good
you can have if you want
if you knew that you could
it's closer than you think
it's just 100 tears away
just give in to the madness
the only way to feel your joy
is to first feel the sadness
Go ahead and sail now
just give in to the ocean
the only way to tame your fear
is to feel her rocky motion
You're a long way from somewhere you call home
there's a place in your heart you're not alone
all of the happiness you seek
all of the joy for which you pray
is closer than you think
it's just 100 tears away
Go ahead and listen
just give into the voices
you think you're backed into a corner
but you've got so many choices
you're a long way from somewhere you call safe
peace of mind comes from just one place
Whatever it is that'll make you feel good
you can have if you want
if you knew that you could
it's closer than you think
it's just 100 tears away
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Its getting harder and harder to concentrate.
I can't sit here and pretend nothing is wrong. Coz I know there is, and somehwere at the back of my mind this fact is slowly clawing its way to my heart...
And now my heart pounds heavily and rapidly and I just can't breathe. I can't breathe.
I can feel the turmoil in my stomach and the storm approaching.. I want this to be over.
I hate being mad at you. It makes my chest close in and I find myself desperate, in pain, in tears and yet longing for you...
I can't breathe....
I can't sit here and pretend nothing is wrong. Coz I know there is, and somehwere at the back of my mind this fact is slowly clawing its way to my heart...
And now my heart pounds heavily and rapidly and I just can't breathe. I can't breathe.
I can feel the turmoil in my stomach and the storm approaching.. I want this to be over.
I hate being mad at you. It makes my chest close in and I find myself desperate, in pain, in tears and yet longing for you...
I can't breathe....
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Dear Cupid...
Dear Cupid,
Hey dude....
Down here...... yes. Let's discuss ur aim.
Ur arrows seem to miss the aim. Its either that, or my heart has become too wounded and broken with time, that it seems to be unable to hold/attach on to ur arrows so they bend the wrong way.
Isn't there a potion I can cook up like Penelope Cruz in "Woman on top", that I'll drink up one morning and end up with the whole male population in town following me to work? (Not that I want that creepy hot dog cart guy anywhere near me or my office!)
How about u come down here and we get down to business about my preferred "targets"?
Cupid.... u half-naked flying baby with a deadly weapon up there... listen to me, am 26, am single (and loved it until recently...) and I hate ur choice of men u keep sending my way! Take some shooting/aiming classes or somethin! Find urself more effective arrows!.....DO SOMETHING! My poor mother has started to lose hope she'll ever live to see her only daughter married, engaged, dating or in any healthy functioning relationship for that matter!!
Whats a woman to do to get a decent guy that can make me laugh, send me a dozen red roses and a box of rich chocolates on Valentine's day? haa?
If only they had them on purchase in the supermarket behind the chips aisle... "Availbale in every size, style, personality and flavour... and in aisle 23 we gotta special discount on the 'mama's -boy' type! "
Imagine that ! LOL
Urs, C.
P.S. I hope u were not offended :D
Happy Valentine's...
Hey dude....
Down here...... yes. Let's discuss ur aim.
Ur arrows seem to miss the aim. Its either that, or my heart has become too wounded and broken with time, that it seems to be unable to hold/attach on to ur arrows so they bend the wrong way.
Isn't there a potion I can cook up like Penelope Cruz in "Woman on top", that I'll drink up one morning and end up with the whole male population in town following me to work? (Not that I want that creepy hot dog cart guy anywhere near me or my office!)
How about u come down here and we get down to business about my preferred "targets"?
Cupid.... u half-naked flying baby with a deadly weapon up there... listen to me, am 26, am single (and loved it until recently...) and I hate ur choice of men u keep sending my way! Take some shooting/aiming classes or somethin! Find urself more effective arrows!.....DO SOMETHING! My poor mother has started to lose hope she'll ever live to see her only daughter married, engaged, dating or in any healthy functioning relationship for that matter!!
Whats a woman to do to get a decent guy that can make me laugh, send me a dozen red roses and a box of rich chocolates on Valentine's day? haa?
If only they had them on purchase in the supermarket behind the chips aisle... "Availbale in every size, style, personality and flavour... and in aisle 23 we gotta special discount on the 'mama's -boy' type! "
Imagine that ! LOL
Urs, C.
P.S. I hope u were not offended :D
Happy Valentine's...
Saturday, February 13, 2010
1001 questions
We are nothing. We are ignorant and weak and insignificant, full-stop. No matter how much we think we know, no matter how great we think we are, we have been fooled by the lies we planted-and-watered inside our own minds.
Those lies tend to convince someone he is something, when he is anything but that. Why would a person turn out to become an arrogant person after all? Who and what does that person think he really is? How much, or how little, does that person know about the eating habits of a platypus or a stag-beetle? Does he know anything about baptism? What about anthropomorphism? Does he know anything about that? Would he be able to create a rocket engine? Or even fix it? I wonder how much does he know about the great Mayan civilisation? Or how far will he go in translating the Sumerian cuneiform inscriptions into modern day languages? How much does he know about how the world is truly run? Ever heard of corporatocracy? How much does that person know about the Yuga Cycle? Atomic orbitals? Extra-solar planets? How much does he know about running a government? How little does he know about anything at all? A thousand question-marks for emphasis.
After all, countless issues such as human fate and destiny, the future, the human spirit and its essence, the size of the ever-expanding universe, God's true nature, are beyond our combined cognitive capabilities to grasp. So if you think you know more than people, think again. You are wrong. You do not know more than they do; they know less than you. You are not more knowledgeable than they are; they are more ignorant than you.
That said, what about physical strength? I wonder why would someone ever think he has no physical like? Or that he is an unbeatable being? Does that person know that the strongest man on Earth is physically weaker than the weakest horse? And that an average gorilla is eight times stronger than the strongest man? Or that in a hand-to-hand combat, no person would ever defeat the average Red Kangaroo of Australia? If that is the case with average-strength animals, how weak would we seem if compared to the mightiest animals? How weak would we be as compared to the Jinn? And how would our combined physical strengths compare to God's guardians? Or to God himself?
A few years ago, I was an extremely judgmental person always judging people's actions, their ethical, and their religious beliefs. How close-minded and ignorant and 'stupid' of me? And for that matter, for anyone who is like how I was. How much does a person know about other moral and religious rites? For after all, morals do change from one place to the other on this planet. Did you know it is neither illegal nor unethical to kill your son or daughter in the Arctic if you sensed they will not survive the winter blizzards? Does that make the Arctic Eskimos brutal and unethical savages? Does that make them trivial and regressive people? Or does that only make them different? We are in absolutely no position to judge who is right and who is wrong. We are in no position to judge what is right and what is wrong either. We are in no position to judge, and this is why we have the ultimate day we call 'Judgment Day'.
The bottom line is this: arrogance is only a figment of our own imaginations. It is a fake notion attempting to make us feel or seem better and bigger than we really are. We are no better than anyone else. We are all equal. Below the dirt, we are all buried in the same manner: dead and helpless and naked; the white, the black, the rich, the poor, the homosexual, the king, the Christian, the Muslim, etc. In Judgment Day, we will be judged accordingly and will then be differentiated from one another. But until then, we are all as equal as the size of the following two dots are..
Signed: an infinitely ignorant person
Those lies tend to convince someone he is something, when he is anything but that. Why would a person turn out to become an arrogant person after all? Who and what does that person think he really is? How much, or how little, does that person know about the eating habits of a platypus or a stag-beetle? Does he know anything about baptism? What about anthropomorphism? Does he know anything about that? Would he be able to create a rocket engine? Or even fix it? I wonder how much does he know about the great Mayan civilisation? Or how far will he go in translating the Sumerian cuneiform inscriptions into modern day languages? How much does he know about how the world is truly run? Ever heard of corporatocracy? How much does that person know about the Yuga Cycle? Atomic orbitals? Extra-solar planets? How much does he know about running a government? How little does he know about anything at all? A thousand question-marks for emphasis.
After all, countless issues such as human fate and destiny, the future, the human spirit and its essence, the size of the ever-expanding universe, God's true nature, are beyond our combined cognitive capabilities to grasp. So if you think you know more than people, think again. You are wrong. You do not know more than they do; they know less than you. You are not more knowledgeable than they are; they are more ignorant than you.
That said, what about physical strength? I wonder why would someone ever think he has no physical like? Or that he is an unbeatable being? Does that person know that the strongest man on Earth is physically weaker than the weakest horse? And that an average gorilla is eight times stronger than the strongest man? Or that in a hand-to-hand combat, no person would ever defeat the average Red Kangaroo of Australia? If that is the case with average-strength animals, how weak would we seem if compared to the mightiest animals? How weak would we be as compared to the Jinn? And how would our combined physical strengths compare to God's guardians? Or to God himself?
A few years ago, I was an extremely judgmental person always judging people's actions, their ethical, and their religious beliefs. How close-minded and ignorant and 'stupid' of me? And for that matter, for anyone who is like how I was. How much does a person know about other moral and religious rites? For after all, morals do change from one place to the other on this planet. Did you know it is neither illegal nor unethical to kill your son or daughter in the Arctic if you sensed they will not survive the winter blizzards? Does that make the Arctic Eskimos brutal and unethical savages? Does that make them trivial and regressive people? Or does that only make them different? We are in absolutely no position to judge who is right and who is wrong. We are in no position to judge what is right and what is wrong either. We are in no position to judge, and this is why we have the ultimate day we call 'Judgment Day'.
The bottom line is this: arrogance is only a figment of our own imaginations. It is a fake notion attempting to make us feel or seem better and bigger than we really are. We are no better than anyone else. We are all equal. Below the dirt, we are all buried in the same manner: dead and helpless and naked; the white, the black, the rich, the poor, the homosexual, the king, the Christian, the Muslim, etc. In Judgment Day, we will be judged accordingly and will then be differentiated from one another. But until then, we are all as equal as the size of the following two dots are..
Signed: an infinitely ignorant person
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Dubai...
So alive, and yet so depressing.
Diverse and multi-cultural. Impressive in its rapid growth, control and generosity of its natives.
Yet, something is missing...
The weather is amazing. I love the sun :)
Shopping scene is very impulsive, kinda addictive too. I had no intention of buying anything but somehow I ended up purchasing what surpasses my needs and pretty much what an enitre family may need ! I even bought things I later realized was a bit strange, even for me!
Night scene is ... crazy! (Can't find a better word!) Its just crazy and "needy". Yes needy. Not quite desperate, no.
Arts & Culture scene... WOW! Its great how the Arts, sciences, education and research are very well-endorsed here, respected, praised and looked after... Expression is encouraged and "freedom of speech" is not just a cute phrase people like to use.
Great place for families to raise their kids. Great place for singles. Non-singles. I like it... Yet, I don't see myself living here one day. Its not for me.
I will not hesitate to return though... again and again. Glad this visit was succesful.
I just wish I had someone to share it with. Its a little bit lonely.
So Dubai... Good bye. This is not a farewell.
So alive, and yet so depressing.
Diverse and multi-cultural. Impressive in its rapid growth, control and generosity of its natives.
Yet, something is missing...
The weather is amazing. I love the sun :)
Shopping scene is very impulsive, kinda addictive too. I had no intention of buying anything but somehow I ended up purchasing what surpasses my needs and pretty much what an enitre family may need ! I even bought things I later realized was a bit strange, even for me!
Night scene is ... crazy! (Can't find a better word!) Its just crazy and "needy". Yes needy. Not quite desperate, no.
Arts & Culture scene... WOW! Its great how the Arts, sciences, education and research are very well-endorsed here, respected, praised and looked after... Expression is encouraged and "freedom of speech" is not just a cute phrase people like to use.
Great place for families to raise their kids. Great place for singles. Non-singles. I like it... Yet, I don't see myself living here one day. Its not for me.
I will not hesitate to return though... again and again. Glad this visit was succesful.
I just wish I had someone to share it with. Its a little bit lonely.
So Dubai... Good bye. This is not a farewell.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
(In the terminal)
Am currently sitting in JFK's transit terminal, styrofoam cup of bitter coffee sits next to my new netbook (which am typing on now), my hair is poofy like a show dog, my carry-on luggage is huddled next to me (in fear someone will snatch something the moment I blink away) and... am bored stiff.
My plane to Dubai has been delayed 2 hours due to "inappropraite" weather (a.k.a rain). Its been 3 hrs and 45 minutes... I've been through every single shop in the duty-free and non duty-free area, chatted to a stranger in Starbucks (whom I believe doesn't think "oversharing" to random strangers in airports is possible!), read an overpriced magazine, and phoned the family back home. I regret not putting my novel or sketch book in the laptop case. Shoot!
Opposite sit a gothic Asian young couple. Apparently, they couldn't find a room, and/or can't wait to arrive safely to their destination, and they chose to perform this public display of affection only 2 feet away from center food court in JFK!! hmm... though gotta admit, I like his weird hairdo, and her boots!
Cutest Hispanic baby with her mother on the table next to mine. Her laugh is so adorable, and she seems to be easily amused! My dress and loud keyboard typing grab her attention and her eyes are fixed on my pink fingernails hitting the keys...
Love babies. Don't think I want some of my own though (Poor mother! Guess she'll have to do with my brother's kids)
JFK is so busy. Its amazing how they can maintain order in this place.
Better go grab a bite and ask about this damned plane at any information desk.
My next blog entry will be from Dubai (That is, IF I arrive anytime during this week and not turn into the female version of Tom Hanks in the movie "The Terminal" !!)
My plane to Dubai has been delayed 2 hours due to "inappropraite" weather (a.k.a rain). Its been 3 hrs and 45 minutes... I've been through every single shop in the duty-free and non duty-free area, chatted to a stranger in Starbucks (whom I believe doesn't think "oversharing" to random strangers in airports is possible!), read an overpriced magazine, and phoned the family back home. I regret not putting my novel or sketch book in the laptop case. Shoot!
Opposite sit a gothic Asian young couple. Apparently, they couldn't find a room, and/or can't wait to arrive safely to their destination, and they chose to perform this public display of affection only 2 feet away from center food court in JFK!! hmm... though gotta admit, I like his weird hairdo, and her boots!
Cutest Hispanic baby with her mother on the table next to mine. Her laugh is so adorable, and she seems to be easily amused! My dress and loud keyboard typing grab her attention and her eyes are fixed on my pink fingernails hitting the keys...
Love babies. Don't think I want some of my own though (Poor mother! Guess she'll have to do with my brother's kids)
JFK is so busy. Its amazing how they can maintain order in this place.
Better go grab a bite and ask about this damned plane at any information desk.
My next blog entry will be from Dubai (That is, IF I arrive anytime during this week and not turn into the female version of Tom Hanks in the movie "The Terminal" !!)
"Nobody wants to be alone
The heart beats happy when it has a place
And if it doesn't have a home,
It can come into my space...."
First verse of "You Can be the One"
touches me every time...
..........................................................................
If loneliness had a face... If loneliness could speak; I would not bare to see it or hear a word it has to say. It'll be too painful to be in the same room. And yet, loneliness is a friend of mine.
The heart beats happy when it has a place
And if it doesn't have a home,
It can come into my space...."
First verse of "You Can be the One"
touches me every time...
..........................................................................
If loneliness had a face... If loneliness could speak; I would not bare to see it or hear a word it has to say. It'll be too painful to be in the same room. And yet, loneliness is a friend of mine.
Sunday, January 10, 2010
The gift of patience
Years ago, in my teens, I sat on the floor in a circle with my friends and we played a truth and dare game. Somehow we ended up playing a question game, that was so mind-provoking.
It was my turn to answer my best friend, who asked, "If you could give me anything what would it be?"
Knowing him all my life, I knew exactly what he needed. I knew him inside out and even better than he knew himself! I could take one look at him and tell u what he's gonna blurt out next.
Of all the materialistic goods in the world, I wanted to give him a gift u can't buy. Can't find. Simply can't pick up coz ur "life" can't "afford" it.
I wanted to give him the gift of appreciation.
S needed it most then. He needed to appreciate what he had, and not look so far ahead in the future and forget about now. I needed him to appreciate the good times we had and stop worrying about the moment of farewell.... I needed him to appreciate. Appreciate life as it is.
To spare us both alot of explaination to do infront of our other friends and also coz I'd rather give him the whole appreciation speech in private, I smiled and said, "I'd give u eternal happiness S"
Everyone looked at me amazed. They thought it was very thoughtful that I gave him "happiness" and not a yacht or a new car. or whatever else money can buy.
But as much as I would've liked to enjoy this glow, of coming up with something no one would've ever thought of.. this unselfish thing... My best freind steals away my thunder and moment of glow.
(Rules of the game: After the question is asked, the person who asked the question has to answer this same question themselves... )
So S, says... " I give u patience" and he doesn't smile back. I didn't see this one coming. Instead, we both stare at each other knowing exactly why he had said so. Exchanging intense questioning looks... I felt hurt. Yet, deep down, I knew he was right.
Today, as I sat recalling that night, I started to think: "but if it was not for my imaptience to see immediate results and getting things done and over with, would I have not been so driven to get what I want? Or would I have still gotten it, someway or another coz fate had it in store for me anyways, (besides having worked for it of course) and that maybe impatience has done nothing for me but given me sleepless nights, unecessary anxiety and not to mention the never-ending caffiene consumption?" Alot of what-if questions began to pop-up here... so u can imagine my distress during my journey of self-reflection!
So really S, I know ur intentions were good and I remember the incidents that had sparked this that particular day, and that u would've given me patience if u could... but is it really a gift?
Can "patience" be a "gift" u'd want, anybody?
It was my turn to answer my best friend, who asked, "If you could give me anything what would it be?"
Knowing him all my life, I knew exactly what he needed. I knew him inside out and even better than he knew himself! I could take one look at him and tell u what he's gonna blurt out next.
Of all the materialistic goods in the world, I wanted to give him a gift u can't buy. Can't find. Simply can't pick up coz ur "life" can't "afford" it.
I wanted to give him the gift of appreciation.
S needed it most then. He needed to appreciate what he had, and not look so far ahead in the future and forget about now. I needed him to appreciate the good times we had and stop worrying about the moment of farewell.... I needed him to appreciate. Appreciate life as it is.
To spare us both alot of explaination to do infront of our other friends and also coz I'd rather give him the whole appreciation speech in private, I smiled and said, "I'd give u eternal happiness S"
Everyone looked at me amazed. They thought it was very thoughtful that I gave him "happiness" and not a yacht or a new car. or whatever else money can buy.
But as much as I would've liked to enjoy this glow, of coming up with something no one would've ever thought of.. this unselfish thing... My best freind steals away my thunder and moment of glow.
(Rules of the game: After the question is asked, the person who asked the question has to answer this same question themselves... )
So S, says... " I give u patience" and he doesn't smile back. I didn't see this one coming. Instead, we both stare at each other knowing exactly why he had said so. Exchanging intense questioning looks... I felt hurt. Yet, deep down, I knew he was right.
Today, as I sat recalling that night, I started to think: "but if it was not for my imaptience to see immediate results and getting things done and over with, would I have not been so driven to get what I want? Or would I have still gotten it, someway or another coz fate had it in store for me anyways, (besides having worked for it of course) and that maybe impatience has done nothing for me but given me sleepless nights, unecessary anxiety and not to mention the never-ending caffiene consumption?" Alot of what-if questions began to pop-up here... so u can imagine my distress during my journey of self-reflection!
So really S, I know ur intentions were good and I remember the incidents that had sparked this that particular day, and that u would've given me patience if u could... but is it really a gift?
Can "patience" be a "gift" u'd want, anybody?
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